College: College...oh college...some of my best times and worst times were in
college. I entered the University of Maine at Orono in September of 2009 and I
already was on a guy’s radar.
Ben: Ben would be one of the most iatrical parts of my dating life. Our
friendship spanned from 2009 through 2010, and then took a break (I will
explain) and then picked up in 2011 until 2014. I met Ben on OkCupid three
weeks before I left for the University of Maine. He was a Ware, Massachusetts
native, who also went to college at UMaine. He was a senior when I was a
freshman. We actually lived right across the street from each other. I met him
my first day I moved to campus. I went to go get my books at the union building
and I told him I was going to be there. He came out to see me and talk to me.
When he walked up to my table, there was a 6 foot tall, dark and handsome man.
I was instantly attracted to him. Apparently it had started to downpour on his
way over because he was dripping on my new books and my cosmopolitan magazine. He
and I talked for a while, then he told me he had to get back to his apartment
on campus. Because it was pouring out, he gave me a ride in his truck up to my
place. While I was getting out of his truck, there was a moment where we were
going to kiss, but my brain said don't do it, so I just exited his truck. Later
that night he asked me if I wanted to go over and watch a movie. Being a naive
girl, I said yes...we ended up not making it through the opening credits of Footloose
because we were on top of each other. From then on I basically spent the nights
at his apartment instead of my dorm room. A few nights later he took me to the
waterfront in Bangor. He was SO romantic...seeing the lights on the water, the
boats, etc. It was very nice. He then asked me if I wanted to be exclusive with
him...My decision would haunt me for a long time, and I would be lying if I
said I still don't think about how my life would be different if I had given
another answer. I said no because it was the first week of college and I did
not want to have a boyfriend within the first few weeks of being away from
home. He told me he understood and we continued to see each other. Late October
came around and I realized I wanted to be with him, so I called him and told
him to walk across the street because I had to talk to him, he said he had
something he wanted to tell me too. When he arrived I sat him in the common
room where we were all alone and I told him I was ready to be exclusive with
him. His face turned white and he looked angry. Ben came over to tell me that
he found someone “better than me” yes, those exact words] and that he did not
want to see me anymore. My heart broke into a million pieces. I really wanted
to be with him...little did I know that saying no to him in early September
would be one of my biggest regrets in life. Ben worked for the Alfond hockey
arena, he would walk out on the ice during hockey intermissions and help clean
the ice for the next period. Every time I saw him do this, I would say a prayer
in my head that he would fall...he never did. I did not see or talk to Ben
again until after he graduated. It was not until the middle of my sophomore
year did he call me out of the blue. He called me to apologize about what
happened...we ended up having a 7 hour phone conversation spanning all through
the night and into the morning. We then decided to be friends...I will get back
to Ben in a little bit...
Tyler: He was my second boyfriend in college...we dated for about a month.
He lived in South Berwick. We were in a long distance relationship. I feel like
he was more of a rebound than a "relationship” since we hung out MAYBE
twice. At this point in my life, I was under the assumption that men do not
want to be with a woman who does not have sex with them within the first few
dates. I met Tyler on OkCupid and we went on one date before we became
intimate...which, coincidentally would be the LAST time we were intimate, because
he put it in my ass. That is a HUGE no-no, he apologized and I accepted his
apology after bawling my eyes out for fifteen minutes. After I left his house
the next morning, I never saw him again because I broke up with him a few weeks
later.
Jerritt: Another one of those relationships I had where I now think back and
wonder what my life would have been like if I did not break up with him.
Jerritt and I dated for almost a year to the day. We met on OkCupid. He was an
ex-coast guard, now security guard, trying to become a police officer. We
started our relationship March 26...I know that because it was the day before
my birthday. We had a great relationship...for the first 4 months. After the
first 4 months, things started to go downhill. We would go out to the movies
and he would walk 10 paces in front of me, and 3 feet to either side of me. It
honestly looked like he did not want to be seen with me in public, and worse,
that's how it made me feel. I thought it was just a phase he was going through,
but he never snapped out of it. On top of that, he was VERY negative about
life. He was not at a good point in his life; he was trying to get into
college, trying to get into the police academy, he had a job that made him work
crazy hours, so he was not really the happiest guy, but I thought that it would
change, so I held my tongue. Winter break comes along, and I have nowhere to
live. I cannot live in my dorm because they are closed but I have a job in
Bangor. He asked his mother if I could live with her and his sister. They both
agreed wholeheartedly and to this day I am still grateful for what they did for
me. One day, I went down into his mother’s kitchen and he was standing there
and I greeted him because I was happy to see him. For some reason, and to this
day, I am still uncertain, he grabbed a fork out of the drawer, grabbed me,
pulled the back of my pants down enough to expose skin, and started poking my
ass with a fork...was it hard enough to draw blood? Thankfully no...was it
enough to scare me? HELL YES! So I went about my day wondering what the hell
happened. The next few weeks were basically contemplating how I was going to
break up with him. I had moved back into my dorm room as at this point it was
March, almost a year we had been dating...let’s go back to Ben...
Ben: I had kept in contact with Ben since our 7 hour phone conversation.
I had asked him what he thought about the Jerritt situation and he said that it
would be best if I were to leave that relationship because it was unhealthy.
Ben also told me that he was in the same boat with the girl he was dating...he
did not want to date her anymore. I agreed with him, that I needed to get out
of that relationship and I decided to end it. At this point I had in my head
that FINALLY I would be able to have my chance with Ben. A few days later I
went to Jerritt’s mother’s house where he was staying and I flat out asked him
if he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public. He denied knowledge of what
I was talking about, and I explained to him further that he gives off the
impression that he does not want to be seen with me. He began to cry and asked
why I did not tell him how I was feeling earlier. I agree, I should have...but
that is one of the regrets I have to live with. I walked out of his mother’s
house single. I broke up with him and he was really upset. The next day I saw
Ben in person for the first time since he stormed off when I told him I wanted
to be exclusive with him but he had found someone better. I told him that I was
now single and that it needed to happen. I hoped Ben would get the picture that
I broke up with Jerritt mainly because I wanted to be with Ben. But it did not
happen. However, we remained friends.
Corey: I can't help but laugh when I think about my relationship with
Corey. He was a 27 year-old respiratory therapy student in at a community
college. He still lived with his parents. That isn't what makes me laugh. Corey
and I had a great relationship. His parents loved me, he was so sweet. But I
think he might be gay. I have no real evidence, but just the way that he would
talk to me and his mannerisms, something was off. At this point I was still in
my phase of "I must sleep with the guy so that he will want to be with
me". Our first date was on New Year’s Eve...we watched the ball drop from
his basement bedroom. We literally had sex through the New Year. It was great
sex! We dated for a few months; I brought him to meet family, he came to the
Super bowl party at my parents’ house. But then we ended it. I cannot remember
what the reason was, but I know it wasn't amicable. I am pretty sure he broke
up with me. I remember a few months later, while Corey was working at the
Circle K, my brother Kendall texted me and said "I saw your ex-boyfriend
Corey working at the gas station. I left him a surprise in the toilet. You’re
welcome." I have the best family ever.
After
being in the aforementioned failed relationships, I then entered into what I
call a very, high risk lifestyle. Random hookups, friends with benefits, etc. I
am certainly not proud of what I did, but I cannot take it back, it has made me
who I am today, and I now understand that it was not the best situation for me
and that I needed to take a step back.
The
real kicker here is...with all of the guys I would randomly hook up with, or be
a friend with benefits with, I would always aim to make them my boyfriend; to
get to them to want to be with me, in a relationship, and it never happened
until at least a year down the road.
Chris: In college I actually had a stage 5 clinger! His name was Chris, we
met on OkCupid. We dated for about a month. I have never seen a man with as
much dandruff as this man...holy moly, it was awful. He was also my first
ginger boyfriend. He was literally crazy. He did not come from a very good
family background so that should have been my first clue. He would call me at
really random times during the day and send me really awkward texts. He was
just an awkward guy. I ended up breaking up with him after his dad made a pass
at me.
Rane: Pronounced like the word "rain". He was also crazy. Not
just because his name was Rane. He actually had a rule that he does not date
women unless he has sex with them first, so you can imagine what I did...and
no, definitely not proud of it, but it happened. I remember we went to his friend’s
house to watch a Patriots football game and play cards. I despise all smoke;
marijuana, cigar, cigarette...smoke in general...it makes my throat itchy. One
of his friends was basically a chimney with legs. Rane had asked him if he
could smoke by the window or go outside because I was not comfortable. His
friend obliged, much to my surprise. As Rane and I were leaving I heard that
same chimney talk about how much of a stuck up bitch I was because I couldn’t
handle a little smoke. Rane broke up with me the next day because he did not
get his friends" approval.
Jesse: Jesse was a really nice guy. He
had a lot of things going for him. We met on Match.com. We had some pretty good
dates, and one bad one where we went to a sushi place and he got food poisoning
from bad shrimp. Jesse, although very nice, would talk to me like I was a 5
year old. Who the hell talks to their girlfriend in a baby voice? You’re a
grown man, act like it. He also needed more attention than a toddler. He would
constantly text and call me to see if I was free to hang out. The turning point
in the relationship when I realized it wasn't going to work, was when I invited
him over because I had been cooking a pork loin in the slow-cooker for 7 hours.
I was making him BBQ pulled pork sandwiches; what guy doesn't like pulled pork?
Much to my surprise, Jesse had never tried a BBQ pulled pork sandwich. He also,
didn’t even want to try. Talk about a slap in the face...I just spent the day
cooking this meal for us and you don't even have the courtesy to TRY it...I
never saw Jesse after that night.
After
Jesse I realized that I had to change the kind of guy I date. Raise my
standards, don't give myself too easy or to just anyone. Has it been working?
Sure! I haven’t had a boyfriend since! I spent the last 2 years of my college
life single and getting my life and my morals and standards reconfigured.
Nick: So my latest and greatest boyfriend was Nick. He was 29 years old (almost 30), he had a 7 year old and was a professional chef who lived in Derry, NH. Which is about 40 minutes from me. He and I met on Tinder (of all places) and we went on our first date on Halloween. We dated for about 4 weeks before we became exclusive. He was an absolute gentleman; he would always open car doors for me, and always put me first. He was very sweet and I really liked him. He started getting weird about 2 weeks before Christmas. He was currently moving back in with his parents because he wanted to start saving for a house. He started to get distant right before a weekend. I kept having to initiate conversations. I asked if he was okay and he stated it was because he had “a lot going on”. All weekend I was thinking to myself “why the hell are you in a relationship if you have 'a lot going on'”? He would reply in 1 word messages and wouldn't talk to me all day until I said hi. I felt like I was being put on the back burner so I was going to talk to him. It was Sunday and I went to my sister’s house to watch the Patriots football game and watch a Christmas movie. I was in the mind-set of, if he is not going to text me, I am not texting him, if he really wants to talk to me, he will talk to me; and he did. He texted me while I was at my sister’s house and asked if he could see me. I knew right then what he was doing. I told him I was at my sister’s house and that he couldn’t see me. So he called. I didn’t take the call and told him I was at my sister’s house, he would have to wait. He told me to call him after I left my sister’s house. When I called him his first line was “I really didn’t want to do this over the phone, I wanted to see you.” So I asked what was up and he told me he didn't think we were going to work out. Since I was curious, I asked why he thought we weren't a good match. He then started to sputter out sentence fragments, he said something about how he is looking for someone who shares the same religious beliefs as him. I asked if that was the only reason and he said no, so I asked what the other reasons were; he was unable to answer. He then told me “I am really bad at breaking up.” I agreed and told him that “everyone is bad at it when they don't have a valid excuse.” I then hung up on him and changed my status on Facebook. Someday I will learn that I will probably be alone...forever.
I
can't help but wonder how my life would be different if I would have stayed
with any of these idiots. I doubt I would be where I am today if I had, and for
that, I cannot help but be grateful.
