I am certainly no stranger to this section either. I have had more screwed up hook-up’s than I know what to do with. I won't bore you with all of them, but I will tell you the most unbelievable ones.
Vinny: In college I was in a sorority. I had a small side business where I made hand-sewn letters for the UMaine Greek Community. Somehow, Vinny got my name and he found me on Facebook and he placed an order. We got to talking and he told me that he and his girlfriend were on the verge of a breakup. Not that it mattered to me! But he went on a whole diatribe about it, so I listened. He asked if I wanted to hang out that coming weekend. I said yes and we hung out. Nothing happened because he was still with his girlfriend at that time. I told him if he wanted to sleep with me he would have to be single...I don't want to be "the other woman". A few days later he broke up with her. He wanted to know if I wanted to watch a movie a few nights later. Why do I always assume that I will actually be watching a movie? I should know by now that "watching a movie" means "I want to have sex with you while a movie plays in the background." So I said yes we can watch a movie, I'll make dinner and we will just hang out. We ended up having sex. But here’s where it goes wrong...in the middle of sex, he slapped me in the face as hard as he could. I mean. I like rough sex sometimes, but don't slap me across the face! How rude is that? I had never kicked anyone out of bed, until then. Definitely regret going there!
Matt: One of my FAVORITE stories, because it is awful. I met Matt through UMaine Greek Life. My sorority went to his fraternity house for a spaghetti dinner and game night. We were playing "words in a bucket” [pretty much the equivalent to charades] and I was the one who had to choose a word, and I happened to choose "husband". Well Matt was the man with the timer and holding the bucket of terms we had to make our way through. So how do I portray "husband"? Well I pointed to my ring finger then pointed to Matt. I did not know who he was, I did not even know his name, I was just playing the game. After that, we were married. He would call me wifey, and I would call him hubby. No we were not REALLY married, but it was an inside joke. After the game he took me aside and told me that he needed to show his new wife around the house. I agreed, I thought he was very handsome, so I turned on the charm. After the tour my sorority and I went home. To this day, we still argue about this, but I stand my ground that HE creeped me on Facebook. Is it important? No; but he thinks I was the one who messaged him first. Either way, we got to talking. I invited him over to my dorm room so I could show my "new husband" our second home. There was a Bruins game on and he and I were watching it. The game ended and we started making out. Clothes started coming off, before I knew it, we were naked and about to hook up. To this day, my sorority sisters and I all know Matt as "bush". Why? Because he never shaved...never trimmed, NO MANSCAPING AT ALL. I have never had a harder time giving head than I did with him. After that I did not know what to do so I asked a few of my sorority sisters how to get a guy to at least TRIM. We ended up being friends with benefits for 6-7 months, until he decided to date a man, I mean, woman [still questionable] on the UMaine Women’s Hockey Team. After that we talked and flirted but we never hooked up again. I always wanted to date Matt, I thought we would have been great (if he would just shave his pubes!) we had a lot in common, but it did not work out. He left a year before I was done college. I never saw him again but I do talk to him every now and again.
Joe: Another one of those guys I met at a sorority/fraternity social. He was hot. He was in the Army, older than me, sexy tattoo. He was a bad boy. If you looked up the term "bad boy" in the dick-tionary, his picture would be next to it. Our relationship was immediately sexual. There was no "I am interested in you", it was "you have a vagina, I like you, let’s find somewhere to go. “So that's what we did. Joe was my friend with benefits from the time Matt had his boy, er...girlfriend...until the day Joe called my ass fat. After that I had nothing to do with him. Oh, and he also put it in my ass that one time. All trust was shattered. He loved rough sex, spanking until blood vessels broke, fucking my throat hard, and deep thrusting. It was exciting, I did not mind it, but I would have been okay with taking it down a notch...or five. We were about to hook up one time, he was sitting in the chair across from my couch and he asked me if he had to come over there or if my fat ass was going to walk to him. No sir...my "fat" ass is going to stay here on this couch, fully clothed, and you’re going to go home, it’s just you and your hand tonight. We were on and off after that; then he got a girlfriend and pinned her, so we do not speak anymore. [For those who are not Greek, pinning means the equivalent of we are serious, possibly getting married.]
Tom: Another frat boy another ridiculous story. I met Tom at a fraternity/sorority social between our chapters. I was instantly attracted to him, and I thought he was awesome...I really wanted to date him...We talked about hanging out, but nothing happened until one night he texted me and asked if I would come get him from the bar because he was drunk...I thought this was going to be my "in"...wrong...I brought him back to his fraternity house on campus and he told me to text him in the morning when he is sober. The next day I text him and I asked if he wanted to come over. For some reason he took that to mean sex. I was thinking more along the lines of dinner. Well he came over and yes, we started hooking up...making out, touching, clothes coming off; I would be lying if I said this wasn't what I wanted. So I am here, giving him head, and in the middle of it, he stops me and tells me his ride is here, he has to go. What man leaves in the middle of oral sex!? I mean, wow. I was flabbergasted after that. Completely taken back, I said ok, he left, and I never saw him again. We talked a few times after that and he apologized, but nothing ever came from it.
Ronnie: Everyone has those guys in their life where they think to themselves "what the hell was I thinking!?" Ronnie is mine. I still, to this day, do not know what the hell I was thinking or if I was on drugs, I do not know, but Ronnie was creepy. He could be SUPER nice, he is genuine, and caring, but he is SO shy and he isn't confident, and it shows because it comes off as creepy. I met Ronnie at, yet again, another fraternity/sorority social. He pretty much claimed me for the whole night, we danced together, talked, drank, and had fun. After the night was over, because of our protocol, I was not allowed to stay at the house. So I went back to my place, got my car and I went back to the fraternity house to hang out, so I thought. I was drunk and I ended up having sex with him. To this day I just shake my head. I do not know what I was thinking. In the morning I woke up in complete horror and naked. I ran the hell out of there as fast as I could.
Joey: This is one of the funnier stories I have. Is it embarrassing, yes of course, is it hilarious, yes it is, do I still joke about it with the guys in this story, absolutely, and I do. It all starts on St. Patrick’s day, 2012. It happened to be on a Saturday. I went over to Joy’s fraternity house around 11am. From 11am to after midnight, I was drinking. I had a whole bottle of svedka and skyy. Some of the details of this story are hazy, so I will tell you what I know for certain and the things that were told to me. The whole day I remember was awesome, until Darren (one of my friends) was taken to the hospital because he broke his foot...or something. What I know is that the ambulance was there, Darren had to go to the ER and then when he came back, he was on crutches. After about 10 straight hours of drinking, beer pong, beer die, some beer hockey game that I don't remember, my sorority sister Lindsay decided to play a last game of beer die, and whoever loses has to strip and run two laps around the house, naked. She did not have anyone on her team so being the good sister I am (and very drunk sister) I decide to play with her. We lost. Lindsay and I went outside, stripped and ran twice around the house. I somehow lost my underwear; and I did not find them again until the sun came up the next day. Back to the night before. After the naked lap Lindsay, Joey, Frank and my sorority sister Mariah decided to go up to Frank’s room and play "Jackass Strip", pretty much, you have to take off an article of clothing every time you see a penis while watching "Jackass". After about 20 minutes, we were all naked. Joey and I had a long history. I love Joey, to this day, I still love him. He’s a great friend and I used to refer to him as my Canadian lover because we are both 100% French/Canadian and we are super proud of it. So Joey and I were naked on Frank’s couch, Frank and Mariah were on Frank’s bed and we were eating thin mints. I vaguely remember Joey eating a thin mint off my breast? Or my shoulder? Somewhere, and then Frank and Joey put their dicks in cups and danced around. After that, it gets blurry, until we were all going to sleep. Mariah was on the couch/futon, I was in Frank’s bed with Frank and Joey, and I had a pair of Frank’s shorts on and a tank top. I remember Joey and I couldn’t sleep...so we started making out. We did not want to wake up Frank so Joey and I went to the bathroom down the hall. (Classy right? haha) I remember being on my knees in front of the shower that was getting warm so Joey and I could get in...and to my surprise I see Frank, open the door. Frank caught Joey and me in the bathroom, with Joy’s dick in my mouth. Utter embarrassment. The mood was then ruined, so Joey and I went downstairs into the main room and made a makeshift bed out of couches because we could not face Frank just yet, we were too embarrassed. The next morning I remember the hangover to trump all hangovers. After that night, Frank and Joey and I still joke about it, but I still wonder about what would have happened if Joey and I did get together. I do still like him and would date him if given the chance.
Ben: Remember Ben from a few pages back? The one I really wanted to be with but found someone "better" than me? Well, his part of the story isn't over. In 2012 I was unhappy at my job working for an Oral Surgeon. It was a very unhealthy work environment. So I was seeking another job. Ben and I would text because he was working in Brewer, ME and he actually had a girlfriend he was living with. I texted Ben one day to tell him I was excited about a job interview I had in Brewer at an Attorney’s office. It turns out, the attorney was the City Solicitor in Maine, and Ben was the Code Enforcement Officer, who worked in the same building as the attorney I had an interview with. I had Ben give me a good recommendation and I ended up getting the job because of Ben. So technically, Ben and I were working together. He would come over to talk and see how I am doing, and we really got to be good friends. To this day, I still do not know what happened or how it happened, but I somehow became his "other woman". I am certainly not proud of it, but I was under the impression that maybe if he would remember what it was like to be with me, maybe he would get rid of the girlfriend (whom he admitted to me was basically taking advantage of him...) and then be with me. Spoiler alert...I am still single. For a whole year and a half that I worked for the attorney, I was also sleeping with Ben. When the attorney and the paralegal would leave, I would text him to come over and we would make out in the filing rooms, there would be groping and touching, flirting and joking. I honestly loved Ben. But this did not stop just at work. Sometimes, Ben would come over to my apartment in Milford at 6:30am, wake me up, we would have sex before he would go to work, he would leave for work, and I would go back to sleep or go to class (depending on the day). He would also come over after work for a late afternoon fuck and then go back to his house to his girlfriend. I wanted to be with Ben so bad, I thought this would help, but it apparently is never meant to be. The last time I slept with Ben was about 2 days before I left to be a Nanny over in France. He came over in the morning 2 days before I was to leave because he said he had a present to give to me, so I told him to come over at 6:30am like usual, we would have one last rendezvous and that would be the end of it. So he came over, we had sex and we said our goodbyes, and yes, I did cry, despite him not leaving his girlfriend, I still loved him and thought of him as a really good friend. When he left, I looked to the side of my bed and there was his copy of "Footloose". To this day, I can still remember the feeling when I saw that movie, and it still makes me tear up because to me, that sounds like something that only happens in the movies. Ben and I had a "movie" ending. We still talk to this day.
Chris: Chris is one of the few multi-millionaires that I have dated in the past. I have never slept with one, and to this day, I STILL have not slept with one. Here is the story. Chris is arrogant. He flashes his money like a pair of headlights, it is just a way to get women to flock to him. He was apparently looking for a sugar-baby (someone he could give a monthly monetary allowance to, in return, the sugar-baby would have to have sex with him when and wherever.) I thought about it...he was 29, worth a lot of money and was going to give me A LOT of money if I were to agree to this. (Let’s just say, I could have paid off all of my student loans, in less than 6 months with just the money he was going to give me) So I invited him over to see if I was going to be comfortable with this arrangement. He was handsome and arrogant, and he seemed he was in a rush to get in my pants. I was surprisingly comfortable with him so we went to my bedroom. We were about to go at it and I had noticed he did not put a condom on, so I reminded him and he went into his pants pocket, and got one, and he started trying again, without protection, and I reminded him again, said NO, you need a condom and he kept trying...I reminded him four times, and said no four times and told him four times to get the condom on or he is out, on the fifth time, I got out of bed, put my clothes on, and told him to leave because if I deserve anything, it is respect. I told him 5 times he needed to wrap it up and he did not respect me enough to listen to me. That was the second time I ever kicked anyone out of bed (I kicked Vinny out when he slapped me in the middle of sex...because I needed ice for my face.)
